Suicidal Best Friend

I haven't posted answers in a while, but I feel that this one requires a prompt albeit short response:

My best friend just told me she wants to kill herself. She said that as a friend, she doesn't want me to tell anyone. But I don't think keeping shut is the right thing to do. Any tips? Please hurry.
--J.S. in PA

J.S., I'm not going to lie to you. If your friend is a rational being, then if you want to be her friend, then you shouldn't tell anyone. Although it's a really selfish one, it's her wish to commit suicide, and a bona fide friend would respect that.

However, that doesn't necessarily mean that keeping your mouth shut is the best thing to do! If you want her to live, then you ought to tell someone about her suicidal tendency. We might even say that this is a form of friendship, although you are imposing your own definition of what it means to be a friend (i.e. assuming that her life is more important than her desires), so some might argue that this is abusive.

We still ought to consider the possibility that she's not rational and is messed up in the head. Still, think about what would happen if you did tell someone about her seemingly private issue. They would send her to rehab, therapy, or some other ineffective cosmetic solution to the real problem because all these people think that suicidal tendencies are derivatives of insanity. Yes, often that's the case, but other times it's not. We can argue, for instance, that Edna Pontellier of Kate Chopin's The Awakening killed herself in a rational decision calculus in order to escape what she considered the constricting taboos of Creole society and her recently developed, unquenchable passion addiction. Also, we might kill ourselves in battle to preserve our honor. So, don't leave your friend in a bad position like this; I suppose that even telling her parents would result in this relatively undesirable outcome.

All in all, there's still an equilibrium between these two difficult choices. You can both be her friend and want her to live. That is, you don't have to tell anyone about her plans, but you can try to talk her out of killing herself. Attempt to identify the fundamental problem that drove her to her decision. It could be a failed exam grade, a broken relationship, or even boredom with her status quo. I mean, you've got to consider the fact that she confided with you; this suggests that there's a possibility that she could change her mind. Ultimately, it seems that she just wants pity from others and herself. It's therefore apparent to me that if she really wants to live, then she's got some lessons to learn. If she doesn't want to do that and simply wants to get attention as the spoiled person she is, then let her die. We don't need that kind of behavior. Moreover, don't ever assume that each life is essential, because some aren't.

Nonetheless, I hope you can efficaciously change her mind so this never happens again. Make sure that your camaderie is reciprocated: while you call her your best friend, ensure that she realizes that you're her best friend as well, and you're there for her in her troubles. Whether or not this is the last time you hear any of her troubles, however, is for winds of fate to decide. I hope they blow in a favorable direction.