Unsatisfactory Advice Columnist

Hello Devdas

I feel that as you are a member of the "blogosphere" you would be well suited to answer my inquiry.

I have a friend who, like you, runs an online advice column. Unfortunately, his advice seems... unsound, and potentially dangerous, not to mention it is just stupid advice. I'm not sure how to tell him but something has to be done!

HELP ME DEVDAS!!!!

-OP in GA

OP, it seems you feel that his advice is really bad, and maybe you don't want him to embarrass himself, especially if he publicizes his real name. I think the best course of action is to anonymously comment on his advice and tell him how you feel without giving him any indication that it was you. This kind of technique often works in other things as well, such as cooking, in which a friend gives a anonymous sort of advice to another friend to stop that activity.

Then again, this strategy may only strengthen his resolve to post his advice, which I'm guessing he sincerely believes is good advice. Have you considered perhaps becoming a blog partner with him? That is, he can add you as a contributor, so you have some say in his advice, and you can perhaps even edit some advice that is absolutely stupid. I'm not sure if you two are close enough for him to accept this, or if he just wanted to do his blogging by himself, but it seems that since you care so much, it's worth a try.

You might not be into the time investment that might be required to be a partner, though, but you still have another non-extreme option. You can just tell him directly that his advice is kinda bad and try your best not to hurt his feelings. I mean, just tell him that perhaps online advice blogging just doesn't click for him, and maybe mention his real talents if he has some. Remember, friends are usually supposed to tell friends when they're about to do something stupid.

But if his advice is really that bad, then maybe not so many people would visit his blog. If that's the case, he wouldn't be too dangerous, and he could still continue this hobby. Then again, there may still be people who don't know his reputation and ask him for advice, so try your best to convince him either covertly or directly.

I hope it works.

Suicidal Best Friend

I haven't posted answers in a while, but I feel that this one requires a prompt albeit short response:

My best friend just told me she wants to kill herself. She said that as a friend, she doesn't want me to tell anyone. But I don't think keeping shut is the right thing to do. Any tips? Please hurry.
--J.S. in PA

J.S., I'm not going to lie to you. If your friend is a rational being, then if you want to be her friend, then you shouldn't tell anyone. Although it's a really selfish one, it's her wish to commit suicide, and a bona fide friend would respect that.

However, that doesn't necessarily mean that keeping your mouth shut is the best thing to do! If you want her to live, then you ought to tell someone about her suicidal tendency. We might even say that this is a form of friendship, although you are imposing your own definition of what it means to be a friend (i.e. assuming that her life is more important than her desires), so some might argue that this is abusive.

We still ought to consider the possibility that she's not rational and is messed up in the head. Still, think about what would happen if you did tell someone about her seemingly private issue. They would send her to rehab, therapy, or some other ineffective cosmetic solution to the real problem because all these people think that suicidal tendencies are derivatives of insanity. Yes, often that's the case, but other times it's not. We can argue, for instance, that Edna Pontellier of Kate Chopin's The Awakening killed herself in a rational decision calculus in order to escape what she considered the constricting taboos of Creole society and her recently developed, unquenchable passion addiction. Also, we might kill ourselves in battle to preserve our honor. So, don't leave your friend in a bad position like this; I suppose that even telling her parents would result in this relatively undesirable outcome.

All in all, there's still an equilibrium between these two difficult choices. You can both be her friend and want her to live. That is, you don't have to tell anyone about her plans, but you can try to talk her out of killing herself. Attempt to identify the fundamental problem that drove her to her decision. It could be a failed exam grade, a broken relationship, or even boredom with her status quo. I mean, you've got to consider the fact that she confided with you; this suggests that there's a possibility that she could change her mind. Ultimately, it seems that she just wants pity from others and herself. It's therefore apparent to me that if she really wants to live, then she's got some lessons to learn. If she doesn't want to do that and simply wants to get attention as the spoiled person she is, then let her die. We don't need that kind of behavior. Moreover, don't ever assume that each life is essential, because some aren't.

Nonetheless, I hope you can efficaciously change her mind so this never happens again. Make sure that your camaderie is reciprocated: while you call her your best friend, ensure that she realizes that you're her best friend as well, and you're there for her in her troubles. Whether or not this is the last time you hear any of her troubles, however, is for winds of fate to decide. I hope they blow in a favorable direction.

Centering a Blog Header

One blogger asked a very relevant blog-related question.

Devdas,
Hello from the US. I changed my title, but can't figure/find out how to center the darn thing. Can you help?
Thanks in advance!
--CM

CM, this was a problem I faced with my first blog, and I eventually resolved it. First, go to your Dashboard, then click on your blog's name, the tab Template, and start scrolling down until you reach "div id="header"" and "h1 id="blog-title"," where you should see "img src=(header image URL)" and right after that there is "/h1 width="660" height="141" align="center" alt="(something)"" or something along those lines. It's about 60 % of the way down. In the part labelled "align," change it to "center" like it was in the example. If that doesn't work, there should be a part of the code near this one where you can adjust the margins. Do trial and error on the margin values until the header is moved to an approximately centered position.

If even that doesn't work, you should probably just change the size of the header image. This doesn't mean you have to change the content of the header itself. All you have to do is add blank space around it borders. Just open up some simple editing application like Microsoft Paint, which is accessible from Start, Programs, Accessories, and the application is "Paint." Open up the picture file for your header, and press the Edit button on the top menu, Select All, and Cut to cut the actual header image. Then adjust the borders of the image so they're wide enough by either dragging the arrows or simply pressing the Image button in the menu and Attributes, where you can adjust the dimensions. Just match how many pixels wide your page is (it seems like 660 pixels for your page), and match how many pixels high your image is (it is 173 pixels for your header image); you might want to make it higher in order to cover that whitish box in your blog, but you could get rid of that by just deleting to code part.

Color the blank image black in order to match the background color of your blog. Then, do simple arithmetic: subtract your header image size from the page size (660 px - 430 px = 230 px) and divide this value by two to determine what size of blank space you need to leave on both sides of your header image for it to be centered (230 px / 2 = 115 px). Now, draw temporary bright lines at 115 px and 545 px for your specific blog, since this would leave 115 px on both sides of the header image. Now, simply paste the previously cut header image in between those bright lines, and finally erase those lines with black color. You might want to upload this new image on an image uploading site like http://www.imageshack.us/ something like that and use this given link because sometimes the blogger upload is complicated. Or just click on Compose Post, upload the image, go to Edit HTML, and cut the image URL. On second thought, this is actually much easier.

You can now replace the URL in the aforementioned header coding with that of this new image. It should now look like it's centered; just make sure the number of pixels we used for the width (660 px) is correct. I think it's actually 800 px. I also think the new Blogger Beta, however, has a simpler way of doing all this: you can simply specify the file name of the header image and if you want it centered or not. I haven't tried it yet, though, because there are some other problems associated with the beta version. I recommend you try my techniques before you take this route unless you were planning on switching anyway.

Man Wants New Wife

Okay, one of the first responses I got was from a man who has marital problems.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Me and my wife don't get along like we used to. I think she's been having an affair or something and whenever I ask what's the problem she's always yelling and screaming. And she gets angry whenever I go out with my friends. She's even threatened to divorce me. I need someone in my life so I've even thought about having my own affair cause I need a wife. I don't know...I'm so depressed. Can you help me?
--Desperate

Well, the first thing you need to do, Desperate, is realize that life doesn't have to be about you. I mean, sure, it's nice to worry about yourself, but then when would you get time to care about others? The base of all relationships is caring about others. So, don't go around thinking that you need a new soulmate or that you are depressed. That will lead you down an even more egocentric path that may even result in suicide; most people who commit suicide are egotists who care only about their own feelings and not others or the impact of their action. I mean sure, you can argue that they're victims of society or something like that, but really people just need to stop blaming others for their problems (even if others do cause them), be brave, and attempt to solve it themselves. Don't be weak; then again, what I'm saying is seemingly empty idealism that people won't follow anyway because of human nature.

Anyway, through this unselfish approach, you ought to treat your wife with patience. Your wife is supposed to be the most wonderful person you know; no matter where they're from in the world, all good people agree. Marriage is sacred. The problem is, the Western culture facilitates marital corruption and misogyny. Sure, it flaunts "freedom for all," civil liberties, sexual equality, and such, but the reality of the situation is that all that is simply superficial. It leaves so many people like yourself in a wormhole of despair. You can return toothpaste, a movie ticket, and even a car; but in America you can even return a marriage. That's sick.

Anyway, like I said, what you need to do is to stop thinking about yourself. Don't get pissed off when your wife is screaming at you. Stop going around with you friends if it makes your wife mad; she most probably thinks you guys are roaming around bars and brothels. Your concerns should be the last priority in a successful marriage. In time, if you're not selfish, your wife will feel good and reciprocate this approach and you'll both receive benefits; that is contingent, of course, on how much damage you've already caused. Hopefully, it hasn't been much.

Now, if your wife is having an affair, then you have a right to be pissed off. But don't make it evident you suspect anything yet. Just progressively change your attitude to an unselfish one until your wife soon realizes it. Maybe then she'll stop. But of course, the momentum of irrational passion is often unescapable, so she might continue. Make it your priority to not hurt her. So, you can cry to yourself or something like that. It's ultimately up to her whether or not to stop. If she's a good-natured person then she would eventually stop it. If not, then you've unfortunately married a bad person. Don't break the marriage though; tolerate it.

We can say that unless she's a really bad person, you've brought this affair upon yourself. Your selfishness has driven your wife to conclude that she is not in a bona fide marriage with you and that maybe you're a lazy, impotent drunkard who doesn't care about her. Whether or not she is having the affair, I recommend you immediately start cleaning up your act. And don't ever fall for the temptation of going back to selfishness. Everything takes time, but with sufficient focus you can get it done and at least make your marriage as good as possible under the conditions.

Don't think about having an affair again. After you've gotten better and your wife realizes it, share intimate moments with her to both repair the marriage and satisfy your various needs. If she's unwilling, still give it some time. Also, make sure to spend much more time with her. Even if it means you'll lose a paycheck or a promotion, maybe take a day off from work to be with her. Visit a lake or take a walk in the park. Go to the library, check out a big book, and read it together in a comfy chair. And don't make it a one-time thing, because she might realize that you consider spending time with her a chore to try to save the marriage; yes, in time you can bluntly tell her that you're trying to save the marriage, but you should really care.

And if it's a possibility that you'll lose your job or something like that, then still spend time with her (unless you're in a real tight spot in which losing your job would mean that your wife will get even more angry at you because you're kind of poor, in which case you should come to compromise); I doubt your job is more important than your wife.

Basically, the solution to your problem is to have unshakeable faith in the mindset that your wife is the number one priority in your life; don't think of it as a stupid cliche, because it's so true. Consider that as legitimately married people you're both one soul in two bodies. If I were you, I wouldn't give up a part of my soul for anything in the entire universe, would I? I wouldn't, so I doubt you have any legitimate reason to do that either. That's the intrinsic nature of love.

Clarification

Maybe my prior post was long and confusing. Basically, just ask me whatever reasonable questions you have. I'd like to focus on personal relationship problems, but I'm fine with other stuff too.

Here's one of those funny demotivational posters:
Don't take it too seriously, because I'll try to eliminate or at least minimize your problems.

Hey, by the way, did you notice my mask? It's a quasi-symbolic cosmetic device. Eh, anyway, let's move on to your problems.

Introduction

Hi,

I've started this blog to answer any pressing questions that you have. I'd like to focus on relationships and personal problems like that because everyone knows I'm an expert on those kinds of things due to my extensive quasi-experience in the pseudo-field. Hot diggity, I better stop writing like that!

Anyway, just ask me questions through comments or such, and I'll try to answer them as effectively as possible. I'd like to help. (If one analyzes my desire to help, he/she would realize that it is not a derivative of bona fide altruism. Indeed, it is actually generated by a relatively selfish motivation to reaffirm my own answering skills to not only myself for personal pleasure but also to the community that reads my blog, which may be small now. My confidence may augment as the reading community increases in size. In fact, if we employed both qualitative and quantitative variables, we could say that for the corresponding variables it seems that:
Then again, we ought to depart from the subject of me and, by the same token, my nationalism, and discuss your various issues.) I've actually already posted responses to some individuals' personal problems in comments and such, so I think a blog would be great as well. Bring it on.